Gemini (gemini21) wrote,
Gemini
gemini21

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Another year...

My birthday party was awesome, lots of free drinks and lots of memory loss. Leash brought Jess after a drunken call, she was so worried... I was never really attracted to her, but since I was freaking out of my gourd we actually did that *bar* click type thing.

A good friend said, "Every guy is a creep, it's just a matter of not being caught creeping out women."

I say that because, Jess was really huggy, touchy... ever so much toward me. Due to me being inebriated, I fell right into her trap. My fingers felt like sandpaper as I touched and slid them against every exposed skin patch around her waist. The small of her back beckoned to me all night...

We took her home after she was kicked out, but can't remember much after that.

All I remember is trying to be caring, while still enjoying the extra attention from her.

In the morning Leash was upset, I thought it was at me for being so toucny toward her best friend the night before. Eventually, it was about her friend drinking so much, and how she could of died, been raped (again), etc...

I felt like such a creep, almost like I cheated on my wife... While I know it was because I was very drunk, I still in some kind of control.

I guess deep down, ever since I've lost so much weight, I still dont' know if i'm attractive or not. As that guy on Shallow Hal said, "Ugly duck syndrome..."

I see girls look at me, but I always think they are noticing me being *ugly*. It's all I've ever known... Maybe doing this with Jess was a test that I'm too chicken/respectful to do while not being drunk. At the mall, I see all these girls giving me a sideways glance, but yet I'm too afraid to look back at them and smile. Are they seeing me as, "ugh, he's so fucking ugly..." or "oh, damn he's cute..." Unless I can read minds, I have no idea and all the tortures of being a fat kid hang on my back.

I'm drunk... it's midnight and I have to be up at 6:30, nice! :D

As for you... It's been 11 years, you ignored my facebook invite (on our anniversary to-boot) but you're slowly fading away, finally... FINALLY!
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